The Social Stigmas of Pet-Loss Grief: Understanding and Supporting Those in Mourning
The Overlooked Pain of Pet Loss
For many individuals, the loss of a pet can be as devastating as the loss of a human loved one. Yet, this pain is not only overlooked, but often misunderstood and underestimated by society. The bond between human and their pets is unique — with an almost parent-to-child-like quality —marked by unconditional love, companionship, and joy. However, when a pet passes away, the resulting grief is frequently dismissed, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness for the bereaved pet owner.
Social Stigmas Surrounding Pet Loss
Minimisation of Grief: Many people view pets as ‘replaceable’, thinking that the loss of a pet is minor compared to the loss of a human. This trivialisation can make grieving pet owners feel invalidated and unsupported.
Lack of Understanding: Friends, family, and colleagues, and society at large, might not understand the depth of the bond shared with a pet, leading to well-meaning but hurtful comments like, "It was just a pet" or "You can always get another one."
Cultural Norms: In many cultures, the grief over pet loss is not widely acknowledged or respected, creating an environment where pet owners feel pressured to hide their sorrow.
The Impact of Social Stigmas
The societal tendency to downplay pet loss can have significant emotional and psychological impacts, including:
Poor Mental Health Outcomes: Bereavement is a form of trauma, and since this grief is disenfranchised the impacts of pet-loss on psychosocial wellbeing is often ignored by society. Feeling misunderstood or unsupported can lead to withdrawal and a sense of loneliness.
Complicated Grief: The societal distinction between pet-loss and human loss does not lessen the pain of pet-loss, but rather unresolved grief can become more complex and prolonged when not acknowledged or validated.
Guilt and Shame: Pet owners may feel guilty for grieving "too much" or ashamed for needing time to mourn their loss.
Tips for Supporting Someone Grieving a Pet
Understanding the profound nature of pet loss is the first step in offering genuine support. Here are some practical tips to help a friend or loved one navigate their grief:
Acknowledge Their Loss: By simply recognising that their grief is valid and significant can provide immense comfort. Phrases like, "I’m so sorry for your loss" or "I know how much [pet’s name] meant to you" can go a long way.
Listen Without Judgment: Allow them to express their feelings without invalidating their pain. Sometimes, just listening can be the most supportive action.
Share Memories: Encouraging your friend or loved one to share stories and memories of their pet. Not only can this be therapeutic, but it can also help keep the pet’s memory alive.
Offer Practical Help: Grief can be overwhelming, so offering assistance with daily tasks or providing a distraction can be very helpful.
Respect Their Grieving Process: Understand that everyone grieves differently and that there is no ‘right’ way to mourn a pet.
Send a Thoughtful Gesture: A condolence card, a small memorial item, or a donation to an animal charity in their pet’s honour can show your support and understanding.
What Not to Say
Avoiding certain phrases can prevent adding to the bereaved person's pain:
"It was just a pet."
"You can get another one."
"At least it wasn’t a person."
"It's time to move on."
Grieving the loss of a pet is a deeply personal and significant experience. By recognising and validating this grief, we can help remove the social stigmas surrounding pet loss and offer meaningful support to those in mourning. Compassion, understanding, and thoughtful gestures can make a profound difference, helping the bereaved navigate their grief and honour the memory of their beloved companion.
If you or someone you know is struggling with the loss of a pet, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out for support from friends, family, or our therapist (Cameron) here at The Healing Dock Psychology who understands the unique pain of pet-loss grief.